「もしこの世界も人生もただの夢だったら、どうする？」とGさんから聞かれたこともあります。しかし、どうすればいいか分からず、結局返事ができませんでした。私の人生はこれまで楽しいことに恵まれてきたと思います。それで、Gさんがこの世界から消えたいとか、死んでしまいたいとか、暗い話ばかりするようになったとき、私はそんな気持ちが理解できませんでした。ある日、「僕にとってこの世界はただのイリュージョンだ。僕の人生も君の存在も、すべて現実的ではない。それに気付いた以上、もう何もしたくない」と言うのも聞きました。実は悲嘆に暮れて首吊り自殺をしようとしたことが二回ありますが、何とかまだ生きていました。しかし、その後Gさんは彼女の目の前で自殺したいと言いだし、そのためにノルウェーへ行くことにしました。（彼女がまた引っ越しました）それから二週間経っていますが、Gさんからのメールはもう来ません。まだ生きているのかどうか分からないのですが、Gさんとまた話をしてみたいです。
Romaji
donkanna furishite agerukara hora chōshi ni nore
saiteina serifu de motto ikari ni hi wo tsukete kure
genkai no pinchi wo honki de kanjite hajimete
honnō ga furuete atarashii jibun ga mezamerunda
omae nara wakaru hazu daro
sonnanjaa madamada urareta kenka yasusugiru ze
ikari wo motto kure honki ni naritainda
mada zenzen tannee na okorasete kure yo
baka wa bakageta yume ou shika dekineenda
shiren nando koeyouga manzoku wo keri tobashi ikō ze
kankeinai kaoshita kotonakareshugi no funuke ga
kage de niyaniya hito no koto nani wo waratterunda?
omaera sa warawareru no wa
shimetta kokoro wa saiaku no moenai gomi da ze
ikari wo motto kure riseinara jama nanda
genkai koeta saki ni shika hoshii mono wa nai kara
me ga kuramu hodo no hibana tobichirashite
naa zenshinzenrei de butsukarou ze kagayaku tame ni
mondai bakka no sekai kotae wa doko ni mo nai kara
konnan ga aru hodo tanoshimeta mon kachi nanda ze
ikari wo motto kure honki ni naritainda
mada zenzen tannee na okorasete kure yo
ikari wo motto kure riseinara jama nanda
genkai koeta saki ni shika hoshii mono wa nai kara
baka wa bakageta yume ou shika dekineenda
shiren nando koeyouga manzoku wo keri tobashi ikō ze
English Translation
I am being thick-headed so c'mon, get up!
By the nastiest words of yours, set more fire to my fury!
This is my first time to seriously feel the trouble of limit
My instinct is shivering, the new me has already woken up
If it's you, you must have understood, right?
That this fight is still way too easy
Give me more rage, I want to get serious!
It's still not enough, get me freakin' furious!
A fool can only chase their foolish dreams
Let's pass the test no matter how many times it takes, let's kick flying the satisfaction!
The cowards who don't want to rock the boat just pretend to have nothing to do with
Grinning behind at others, what are you sneering at?
Geez, you guys, making fun of people is like
A damp heart, which is the worst non-burnable garbage!
Give me more rage, a reason is just a nuisance
I've already crossed over the limit because if it's not in the beginning, I wouldn't have wanted to wish for something
The sparks soaring until they are like dazzling
Hey, with the body and soul, let's collide to sparkle!
Because in this world with nothing but problems, answers are nowhere to find
As there are difficulties, the person who can enjoy it is one who wins!
Give me more rage, I want to get serious!
It's still not enough, get me freakin' furious!
Give me more rage, a reason is just a nuisance
I've already crossed over the limit because if it's not in the beginning, I wouldn't have wanted to wish for something
A fool can only chase their foolish dreams
Let's pass the test no matter how many times it takes, let's kick flying the satisfaction!
Lyrics
鈍感なふりして あげるからほら調子に乗れ
鈍感なふりして あげるからほら調子に乗れ
最低なセリフで もっと怒りに火を点けてくれ
限界のピンチを 本気で感じて初めて
限界のピンチを 本気で感じて初めて
本能が震えて 新しい自分が目覚めるんだ
お前なら 分かるはずだろ
そんなんじゃあ まだまだ 売られた喧嘩 安すぎるぜ
怒(いか)りをもっとくれ 本気になりたいんだ
まだ 全然足んねえな 怒(おこ)らせてくれよ
馬鹿は馬鹿げた夢 追うしか出来ねえんだ
試練何度越えようが 満足を蹴り飛ばし行こうぜ
関係ない顔した ことなかれ主義の腑抜けが
陰でニヤニヤ 人のこと何を笑ってるんだ？
お前らさ 笑われるのは
湿った心は 最悪の燃えないゴミだぜ
怒りをもっとくれ 理性なら邪魔なんだ
限界越えた先にしか欲しい物はないから
目が眩むほどの 火花飛び散らして
なあ 全身全霊で ぶつかろうぜ 輝くために
問題ばっかの世界 答えはどこにもないから
困難があるほど 楽しめたもん勝ちなんだぜ
怒りをもっとくれ 本気になりたいんだ
まだ 全然足んねえな 怒らせてくれよ
怒りをもっとくれ 理性なら邪魔なんだ
限界越えた先にしか欲しい物はないから
馬鹿は馬鹿げた夢 追うしか出来ねえんだ
試練何度越えようが 満足を蹴り飛ばし行こうぜ
Better late than never, isn't it? (peace sign)
IKARI WO MOTTO KUREEEEE!!! WOOHOO!!! This One Piece Film Gold theme song from GLIM SPANKY is freaaaaaakiiiiiiiinnnn suuupeeerrrrr fantastic! ((as well as the film itself!!! gods, I was dying in front of the big screen----I won't give any spoiler, though)) By the way, If you want to use my English translation, just feel free to use it in any way you want. It's up to you to put me in the credits, though. It's not really a big deal. x
In this world, there is no absolute wrong, there is no absolute right. For me, it is just 'what we feel right' and 'what we feel wrong'. There is nothing in this world that is exactly the same. They either look alike, sound alike, or both. Everlasting is a constructed word created by human/s who is living this fleeting world, created by such creature who will never be able to feel what everlasting truly is.
Then again, is there really heaven? Or hell? If my destiny forced me to go to hell, could I make amend so I could still go to heaven? Or could I just crash the gate? Are archangels and fallen angel real? Who resides in heaven and hell actually? What humans fear for honestly? Death? Hell? Humans themselves?
Humans fight against humans. The God is dead. To be honest, I don't know who has been dead. Humanity or God? ....Or gods?
Almost every country in this world has something they firmly worship and believe. I see Pancasila as a very, very kind, the kindest ideology. It gives freedom, shelter and protection for the citizen. Foremost, unlike the other, it admits God's existence in political life. With millions of people living in this country, some of them forget, occasionally, that this doesn't mean they have to apply religion-based principles in their daily life. The government itself recognizes six official religions. This can be used by some imbecilic creatures to start a war. War can cause deaths. Who can kill humans? Humans.
One day I was on my way home from an xxx-mart. I just bought a pack of wet wipes when I met an old man selling wet wipes, too, offering me to buy one. The wet wipe I bought from the summat-mart was far cheaper. I was about to consider leaving but seeing the old man, a thought of concern crossed my mind then there's a sudden whisper: I don't like Capitalism. Not that I hate it, though. I felt weak, then I left.
Sometime in 2014, I told myself that I'd be a Libertarian. It felt right for me. It feels right for me. Freedom is a very vital, essential thing for my life. I kinda worship freedom. We're free to speak out, to work, to travel, to go anonymously online. We're free to download everything, to upload many stuffs into the internet. We're free to crush animals, to buy a human, to do organ trading, to have sex ... sex trafficking? The 'we're free to do what we want to do' is a famous defender of ... well, some things. So when I did an exploration about deepnet, either went there or joined a discussion on the surface, I found an anonymous surfer that said whatever that happens on the dark web, we can do nothing about it.
Even my favourite thing disappointed me. Human has always been somewhat of animals, and vice versa.
I'm not an expert after all. I still have to read so many books, attend discussions, and all that. But I have one question: how is a proper place for humans? If you know any proper places for humans, an answer for my question, please kindly tell me. Give me an honour to know.
On the playlist whilst writing this: Lullaby by Nox Arcana
Do you still remember that royal feline Alaska? Well, she's about 7 to 8-month-old kitten (15-year-old in human years) but several weeks ago, I found out that she's pregnant. Carrying babies at such a very young age is very risky, of course. I was not too surprised when Alaska finally had a miscarriage. I also read an article here that it's not uncommon for cats to experience this. So, I felt a little bit relieved.
She expelled two fetuses. I felt really sorry for her.
~ May Neko-kami bless you, o beautiful innocent meats. ~
The discussion about this carbon trading and something about newspaper reading happened two days ago but I was too lazy to write them here because there are so many things to overthink, such as Nami's birthday on the 3rd of July and fanfic ideas for celebrating it and so on and so on.... I also was enjoying my leisure time by reading LawNa doujinshi, well, in Japanese. It's really addictive. I sleep at 4 a.m. every morning.
Now is time for carbon trading, but first thing first, have you ever heard about carbon trading or carbon emission trading before? I've tried to compare some pages to find the most understandable definition about this. Go, see this page if you haven't heard about carbon trading. It's beneficial to read. In short, carbon emission trading is aimed to reduce carbon dioxide that causes the greenhouse effect. Worth reading:
This matter was brought up by my 同い年のいとこ who is an economics student. He said that he's planning to make this carbon trading (in Indonesia) as the object of his undergraduate thesis. He firstly talked about the global warming and how it occurred due to the greenhouse effect, and then how rich countries that produce carbon dioxide have to pay "the price" to the countries that produce less gases and have forests. Or something like that. I had heard something about this before but I didn't remember exactly about this being called carbon emission trading. This idea came from Kyoto Protocol; the thing that I've outwardly learned some years ago. What a coincidence.
I won't give my thought and opinion this time because I don't really understand the whole thing yet. It's just going to make me seem ... like a smarty-pants. -_- I just have some 気になった事 here, they are:
- I have read some pages that say that this carbon emission trading is actually failed. きっと調査しなきゃ～
- There's an opinion that says, "To pay the price for their sins, rich countries do this." This article tickled me. Go, see it.
- It, in fact, has to have something to do with Indonesia since we still have forests to absorb the gases. But I rarely see anything, mainly in every day's medias. There's something wrong with television program in Indonesia anyway.
- How will my 同い年のいとこ get all information for his thesis?
After my 同い年のいとこ went home, I and my mum talked about random things while reading last week's newspaper together. Oh, this is a different matter by the way. Well, after what seemed like an eternity, I finally had time to exchange thoughts with my mum. So 満足した！
